A place where I can be free to express myself, so please do not copy without my expressed permission. All my writings are of my own creative imagination and life lessons. Also some of my writings may be sad, again this is how I choose to express myself. Please enjoy your time in my blog place and feel free to follow my writings and share my blog. Thank you for reading... Becca
Thursday, November 29, 2012
I live to suffer another day...
I am having a major flare. It is in my shoulder and shooting up my neck and down my shoulder blade it's making my right arm weak if I turn to fast or look down; I see spots and get the sharpest of stabbing nerve pain.
Yeah did you know I am the Queen of sarcasm and princess of double meanings?
As of yet I cannot drive the six speed that my husband felt was my ONLY option to have... as I have not had a vehicle in over a year and pay half our bills who am I to complain. So I tell my 'Mother' that my wonderful doctor has fit me into his FULLY booked schedule to give me a few joint injections to relieve my pain. What does she do and say. 'Well I HAVE to get my nails done' and she walks away. Big shocker right??
I have tried to deal with this ALL of my entire life. This lack of, to put it mildly....compassion?? My dear neighbor friend has 1,000 times more compassion and caring than my own Mother....but my 'Mother' lives here to HELP me. Its why I pay the bills because she HELPS me so dearly.
I really do think I am loosing it because I am having zero tolerance for such people in my life. My rheumatologist says my rheumatoid arthritis, lupus (SLE) and various autoimmune diseases will only get worse and my main ones are degenerative.
So I ask myself, if they can't deal with this now and do not help me when I need them, why then are they in my life? What did I do in my former life? Do I not pray correctly and stay positive enough? This too will be A) shrugged off like all else I am forced to or B) I will end up super medicated for depression. Hmmmm...
However the bile is rising and choking the life right out of me. Just thinking and feeling, yes even the strongest people FEEL...
-rcc
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Lesson Learned
A big lesson that I have learned, so far in life is this. Life is HARD and sometimes UNFAIR. IF you HARP on that unfairness, life will not wait for you, it is guaranteed to pass you by. When you HARP to much, life will leave you and then it will be to late to go back because life will have left you and bitterness corrodes the soul. I will always remember this invaluable lesson because it seems so vastly important. I KNOW how I leaned this lesson but I would rather not actually have to say it out loud or look upon in on paper. It will just bring back a lot of unwanted and very much loathed memories. So I will not mention them but like a shadow in the sunlight, they ARE forever there. I hope some day to write all these many lessons down that I have learned because God knows I have learned a lot and maybe just maybe they will help someone else...if even in a small way. Sometimes I have learned the hard way (ok honestly I am stubborn and proud so I have always learned the hard way.) and others the easy way (as if!). Maybe if I ever compile all my lessons I could write a book called 'Lessons Learned' it would be so nice if good could come out of all my many ramblings and thoughts! -Rebecca C. Hernandez 07/25/1995
POETRY; 'Life'
Life....
With its ends and beginings,
Sometimes falls...
A P A R T.
Like a bubble it will always...
B U R S T.
Like an ocean it will surge forward.
Life is LIFE...
A never ending cycle...
It will always leave you.
And it will always take you.
To NEW beginings.
Life,
It will always end...
As it BEGINS.
-Rebecca C. Hernandez
05/08/1991
POETRY; Survives A Spirit Intact
While unwanted touches, touched to far...
Survives a spirit intact; moving onward.
When waters overflowed to the breathe that helps life... Survives a spirit intact; moving onward.
When emotions overflowed threatening to leave all memories of creations...
Survives a spirit intact; moving onward.
When the being that was created helped to create a new one. Survives a spirit intact; moving onward.
Remembering bad days that have long since past...
Survives a spirit intact; moving onward.
Now the spirit moves onward, knowing of the past, wondering of the future...
Survived a spirit intact, it will ALWAYS move onward.
-Rebecca C. Cardenas
03/12/1998
POETRY; 'FUNNY HOW'
Funny how your memory erases, when faced with so many disgraces.
Interesting how you tend to share, when I am not there.
Amazing that you are filled with grace, although lying to my face.
Funny how you say you care, yet never show it.
Interesting how you scream and shout, once I find out what you are all about.
Amazing that I am full of sorrow, yet so very undeniably empty and hollow.
Funny how I always care, so daring through my sorrow.
-Rebecca C. Cardenas
11/28/2012
POETRY; 'Hidden'
I had a place I loved to go, although you wouldn't know.
I have a massive storage of faith, dare not do I show.
There is a sorrow in my eyes,
My spirit does so LONG to fly.
There was a time when I should cry, long has it passed me by.
I show you love and you show me hate,
Everyday I seem to wait.
Once so dead I come alive.
Choosing to walk ahead SO ALIVE.
To live a life I never knew...
Take this sorrow from my eyes...
See those places I have loved...
To hold unto faith like a tight fitted glove...
I used to wait and wonder why?
Just WALK away, never wonder WHY??
-Rebecca C. Cardenas