POETRY; 'Some Faith'

'Some Faith'

Life do not pass me by as I sit and wonder, "Why?!"
Pain, fatigue, vast misery; this is all bursting inside of me. Worthless, shame, guilt and fear; all a definite part of me. Systemic conditions of autoimmune diseases.
More pain and sorrow, this rheumatoid arthritis has gotten its talons into me.
Relentless stalking since before I was five, no one knew or understood why I cried.
Please, oh please life, don't pass me by.
I really do not ever wish to sit here and cry!
R.A if I could hold you, I would grab you and shake you out! R.A. just go! and get the FUCK OUT!!
Sometimes I wish I could just pray this all away... Complication of my heart, inflammation of my lungs; did I mention they are checking me for cancer?
I have sub-luxed busted tendons plus I get awesome tremors too...
Dry eyes sticking, oh yes I have Raynauld's with Sjogren's... now not one but two bullous diseases...Linear IgA and phemphigoid too.
Now guess who is worried about scaring on top of everything else?
Negative ANA with Lupus, who the fuck knew?
They might as well tell me I finally have M.S. too!
Only two hand surgeries and three hip operations...yeah they said I need replacements but who wants that too?
I have to be scanned for any worsening of my A.V.N., yeah that's when your bones decide to DIE...guess I really should cry.
I almost forgot what this was all about... ME?
I am trying to figure this all out.
So life please do not pass me by.
Do not make me scream or cry...and just so you know I really am not all that blue!
Even defected gimpies like me can always find some kind of faith.
So just let me be HAPPY and I WIL face what I FACE...

 R.C. Cardenas
 11-07-12